Thursday, July 31, 2014

Hopefully March!

My editor and I are going to work towards a release date in March for Book III in the James Lucas Trilogy, assuming I submit the manuscript by end of October, which I will. That means I'd better start thinking about the cover...



Tuesday, July 29, 2014

What?

I'm wearing my swimsuit.


Cheeky bugger.

Body Confidence

My body confidence has come a long way.

I've been fighting my weight and my eating compulsions since my mid-twenties. I've lost alot of weight several times and then gained it back. When I lost about forty pounds right after my MS diagnosis with the motivation to be as healthy as possible, I felt and looked amazing even though I was not within my BMI at all. I was above my BMI but at a weight my doctor thought was very healthy for me, considering how heavy I'd been after the birth of my son.

When I began writing erotica, that was where I was at. I felt sexy and like nothing could stop me. At the time I remember wondering if I could maintain it and thinking that I did not want to be "one of those fat erotica writers". I mean, I physically recoiled at the thought. Over the next few years, due to various reasons - possibly the stress of having my private sexual fantasies in the public domain and/or the stress of having my work judged by the public and/or pushing my own boundaries in real life to become involved in the BDSM community in my city - I gained much of that weight back.

What happened, I think, was that, partly because of my writing accomplishments and the respect and prestige I garnered from being a published author, when I gained a little bit of weight back I still felt sexy and fabulous. Then I gained back a little more, and I still felt sexy and fabulous. I've now gained a whopping thirty pounds since that time - and I still feel sexy and fabulous.

Of course, now I'm feeling that extra weight when I go up and down the stairs and worrying about when the gaining will stop. I've gone back to Weight Watchers in order to stop my compulsive/emotional eating and not gain anymore, rather than to lose, although I'm going to try to drop about twenty pounds. I'm also walking alot more this summer and the exercise is having a great impact on my mental state as well as connecting me to my physical form in a way that is very healthy for someone who sits at their computer much of the day.

This past Saturday, my husband, kids and I went to a pool party out in the country, at the fabulous home of some friends. I wore a sundress that I'd recently bought which my daughter compliments every time I put on. Honestly, having a fashion forward ten-year-old girl tell you you look really pretty three times in an hour really makes you feel beautiful!

Since my kids are old enough to swim on their own without assistance or me worrying they are going to drown, I didn't plan on swimming myself, although I did pack my swimsuit just in case. I bought that swimsuit a year ago April in Toronto and it's the best one I've had in years - a one-piece with a tiny bit of tummy control that pushes my cleavage up quite nicely. Something like this:



The kids started to beg me to come in swimming but I felt so good in my dress I wasn't sure I wanted to brave being in a swimsuit around all those people, so I shooed them away and said maybe later.

Eventually, the mosquitoes started to emerge and I remembered how much I loved my swimsuit and how sexy I felt whenever I wore it and I thought, what the fuck? I'm going swimming! I told a friend that I was going in. She made some comment indicating that she was reluctant to get in her bathing suit which really surprised me because this woman is slim and really, really pretty. I would never have expected her to have body issues.

Anyway, I went into the house and got changed, then made my way back to the pool. And I felt great! I felt sexy and fun and like I wasn't going to miss out on a heated pool with my kids because of what anyone else might think of my body. My body is just fucking fine thank you. My tits happen to be incredible and my ass looks pretty damn good too. And we won't even talk about my legs which are two of my best features. Oh yeah, and I have sexy lips and beautiful eyes. The list goes on ;)

As I descended into the gorgeously warm water to the shrieks of delight from my kids, my pretty friend said, "Oh hell, if you're going in then I am too!" and went to change.

We both had a great time and I caught several men ogling my fantastic bosom as I frolicked in the pool. But even if I hadn't, I wouldn't have cared. For the first time in a long time I felt truly free and liberated, happy with my own body and the way it moves and jiggles when I'm having fun!

Here's to voluptuous curves and healthy bodies and the sexiness of self-confidence and the freedom of don't-give-a-fuck-ness :)

~ Liz





Friday, July 25, 2014

RIP Jon Nizzi


Jon Nizzi, MLO 2014, passed away yesterday. My heart is breaking for his friends and loved ones. I didn't know him very well, but he had many close friends in our small Leather community and many in the larger, international community, who will suffer greatly from this loss. My heart goes out to you all.

~ Liz

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Lookee!!!

One of my fans made this for me, with a quote from the book :)


Who Let The Dogs Out?

I finally made it downtown to a Pup Night event at the Centretown Pub. I think they've been going on for a year now and I kept meaning to attend.

I had an MS relapse last August which hindered my mobility and made me dial back on social engagements for awhile, then winter came along and the driving worried me. Then spring was super busy with my book release and related events, and the end of the school year and our big month of birthday parties (June).

Last night turned out to be the perfect evening to head downtown - the humidity dissipated around noon and the temperature turned cooler than it's been in days. I drove with the windows open, listening to CBC-1 and enjoying the thought of an evening out.

Once I found a parking spot I headed over to the pub on Somerset Street. As I climbed the stairs to the second level, who should I see but Michael Marcil, aka Dixie Landers, and my friend Guy, standing at the top of the steps.

I was thrilled when Michael recognized me because we've been Facebook friends for awhile but haven't really hung out together much, or at least not when I've realized that he is the man behind the well-known performer.

We spoke for a bit and then I moved into the main part of the room, since I was excited to see who was in attendance. MLO 2014 Jon Nizzi led a short meeting about the Capital Pride Parade and what the pups were going to do in it, and then people began to get suited up.



The pups and handlers had installed a temporary fence to cage the dance floor area off as a pup play zone, with an appropriate entry mat:


They soon got down to some wrestling:


Pup Fidget came in for a cuddle:


Some gear needed readjusting:



And then it was back to business:



It was great to see the pups in action again. 

While the pups enjoyed themselves I sat with the handlers and other observers, catching up on things. I congratulated some friends on a recent engagement and we spoke about wedding planning and how to keep it simple and stress free. I also spoke with a young aspiring writer about writing gay erotica for publication and how, even though it doesn't pay much, it's a very interesting and rewarding endeavour. 

Even though Pup Rolph didn't participate in the romping it was wonderful to see him in person and it's always a thrill to see Scout Zeb who I happen to think is the sexiest pup in the history of pupdom (wait is that even a word?). We won't talk about how young he is or the fact that I'm happily married and he's gay. A girl can dream, right? Lol.

There were a couple of other pups there whom I'd seen before but don't know well. They looked awesome in their gear, letting me take photos of them and indulge my inner voyeur and penchant for men in masks ;)

Doug, my friend and the manager of Wildes, was tending bar and didn't charge me for the club soda I had - thanks Doug!

It was a great evening and also valuable research, since I'm planning to incorporate an event like this into Varieties of Religious Experience, the third book in the James Lucas Trilogy. My character Sebastian is into pup play but has never been to a pup event. 

I thought it might be fun for him :)

~ Liz










Monday, July 14, 2014

The Phantom...

Going a little bit crazy for Gerard Butler after watching The Phantom of the Opera with my daughter yesterday.  Forgot how yummy he is...






I have always had a thing for men in masks. 

~ Liz

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Pup Role Play


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Photo by Michael Radovich

If you've been following my blog or have read either Beyond the Edge or The Cross and The Trinity, you will know that I'm quite a fan of puppy role play, especially in the gay male community.

I first encountered this phenomena when I attended the Capital Pride Parade here in Ottawa in 2011. I've described this experience in detail on my blog in this early post:


A few days after I wrote the above post, my husband called me from work and told me he had discovered the identity of the Pride Pup - his co-worker Karl (Pup Rolph)! Of all the crazy coincidences, this was the best!

My husband got Karl's email for me and I messaged him to ask if I could interview him for the blog. He was very accommodating and I posted the following interview in 2011:


This gave me alot of insight into the practice. I met some other pups through Karl, and I asked them about the lifestyle as well, which led me to discover that the activity can vary between individuals. It seems that for some it is a relatively non-sexual activity, more focused on submission to a loving caretaker, whereas for others (as I've conveyed in my novels) it can be incorporated into sexual activity or even a sexual identity.

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Photo by Mark Flowers

I began to attend some pup events in town, and watched as Scout Zeb won the first ever Ottawa Pup contest. I later interviewed him here:


Earlier this year, I decided to post about my obsession with an activity that seems to be gaining popularity among kinky young gay men. The following explains my interest in the practice and why I enjoy befriending these amazing men:


In short, from my first encounter with Pup Rolph at Capital Pride in 2011 to my present day involvement with pups on Facebook and in the Ottawa Leather/Rubber Kink Community, I have been utterly fascinated and charmed by this form of self/sexual expression. My BDSM series of novels, The James Lucas Trilogy (Beyond the Edge, The Cross and the Trinity, Varieties of Religious Experience), involve a character who feels drawn to the human pup play lifestyle and enjoys both its sexual and non-sexual aspects.

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Jyan Craig, who runs a website out of Australia called Sirius Pup, is a respected voice in the pup play global community. His comprehensive website contains an extensive collection of informational videos and essays pertaining to this topic. He was kind enough to put a link to my books and blog in the affiliate links section of his site. On it, you will find the following quote, which sums up my opinion on the subject:
Leather pup play seems to me an expression of the authentic self and a way to integrate the curiosity and innocence of childhood with the sexual maturity of adulthood. The leather pups I have met are kind, loving and intelligent young men who find in this manner a way to fulfil a deep longing for self-identity and connection.
~ Liz Lister, 2013


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Excerpt - The Cross and the Trinity - Chapter Nineteen




We ate quickly, then said our goodbyes and returned to our room to pack.

James pulled me aside.

“I have an idea for something fun,” he said, “but only if you’re willing, obviously.”

The hair stood up on the back of my neck, a natural response to these ominous words from the man who loved to tease and torment me.

“I’m not riding in the trunk,” I stated, having heard some crazy stories of Dom/sub road trips.

James chuckled. “Don’t worry. I want you in the front seat. Wearing this.”

I looked down at his hand to see the slim metal tube that he’d referred to as a Prince Albert’s Wand when he’d bought it two weeks ago. I stared at the thing like it was a grenade.

“It goes in your urethra,” James explained. 

“Uh huh.” I didn’t quite know what else to say.

“It’s hollow, so you can urinate or ejaculate. It’s meant for long-term wear.”

“That’s...comforting?” I said, not really feeling it.

“I thought we could put it in now and you could wear it for the drive.”

I stared at him, speechless.

Is he kidding?

“What?” he asked innocently.

“You want to put that in my dick?”

“Yes.”

“And I’m to wear it for the entire drive home? That’s almost two hours.”

“Yes. I think you’ll find it quite pleasant.”

I stared at the thing dubiously. “I don’t know.”

“And when we get home, I’ll reward you with an incredible experience.”

“You’ll let me come?” I said, hopefully.

“I’ll make you come through the wand. It will blow your mind, Tate. I promise.”

He looked so sincere, and seemed to want it so much. He did know what he was talking about. Still, I hesitated. I’d never had anything inside my dick before, not even a medical catheter. It looked...painful.

I held my hand out flat. He placed the smooth steel device in my open palm. I examined it, wondering if what he said was true.

“Will it hurt?” I asked finally.

James shook his head. “No. It will feel strange when it first goes in, but it won’t hurt. It’s more psychological than anything.” He looked at me with those guileless brown eyes. “If you’re really uncomfortable with the idea...”

“No. Let’s do it. I trust you,” I said finally. He’d piqued my curiosity now and I had to know how it felt.

The smile lit up his whole face. “Really? That’s wonderful.” He took my hand and led me over to the bed as Sebastian returned from the bathroom.

“What’s going on?” Sebastian asked as I began to take off my jeans.

“Just push them down around your ankles and sit on the bed,” James said.

“An experiment,” I muttered, doing as I was told.

James got the ice bucket and put on a pair of blue nitrile gloves. He poured some alcohol from a bottle over the wand and held it for a few seconds, then wiped it with a clean cloth. “I’ve done this before, Tate.”

“Well, I haven’t,” I said as Sebastian sat down beside me. 

“Is that the—” Sebastian asked. 

“Torture device? Yes,” I said glumly.

“Don’t be dramatic,” James said. He brought the wand over to where I sat nervously on the edge of the bed. “You know as well as I do that most of these things look worse than they feel.”

“We’ll see,” I said, still not a hundred percent sure I wanted that thing in my dick. But I supposed, if anyone was going to put it there, I’d want it to be James.

Sebastian and I watched while he coated the sterilized metal tube liberally with lubricant then kneeled before me. He dabbed a bit of lube on the opening of my urethra.

“Ready?”

I took a deep breath and let it out. But I shook my head. “Wait.”

Sebastian put his arm around my waist, giving me the courage I needed.

“Okay.” I nodded. I put my hands down on the bed beside me. “Go.”

James took the head of my dick between his fingers and placed the bottom of the wand gently against my slit. “Take
another breath,” he said.

I inhaled slowly. As I did, he slid the thin metal tube slowly and carefully into my urethra.

The feeling was very strange and slightly uncomfortable. But not painful.

I watched the wand slide slowly into my penis, entranced by the sight and not a little aroused. James carefully pushed it in to its full depth then met my gaze.

“It’s in,” he said.

“That’s what he said,” I joked, feeling euphoric now that the thing was inside me and I hadn’t fainted.

Hmmm. Now it was in there, it didn’t feel half bad. Sort of like I needed to pee or come. Actually, I probably did need to pee. Maybe I should have thought of doing that first?

“Um,” I said.

“What’s wrong?” James asked.

“I need to pee.”

James chuckled. “Well, you can. As soon as I fasten the ring on.”

I looked at Sebastian. He was staring at my dick.

“That looks so hot,” he said breathlessly, not taking his eyes away from it.

“Good. ‘Cause you’re gonna wear one too.” 

Sebastian blanched. “But he only bought one.” 

“Gotcha.”

“Tate, behave yourself,” James said sternly as he affixed the metal ring around the head of my penis, effectively holding the wand in place since I didn’t have a piercing to do that. “All right. Go have a piss,” he said, peeling off the gloves.

I stood, pulling my shorts and jeans up higher. “Come with me? I’m a bit nervous.”

“Of course.”

James came to the bathroom with me and stood leaning against the doorframe as I positioned myself at the toilet.

“Nothing’s happening,” I said after a minute.

“You need to relax.”

“I’m trying to relax. I’ve never had a metal tube up my dick before.”

James came over to stand close behind me. I felt the bulge of his erection pressing into my bottom as he wrapped his warm, strong arms around my belly.

“Let go,” he said in my ear as he deliberately put gentle pressure on my bladder. “Let it out.”

I stared down at my penis, willing the pee to come out, even though it felt so strange. James’ arousal at my back and his arms around me made me horny, making it difficult to concentrate.

“Do you really need to pee?” James asked. “Maybe it’s just the wand making it feel that way.”

“I had three cups of coffee with breakfast.”

“Okay. Let’s try this.” James let go of me, went over to the sink and turned on the faucet. I watched as cold water coursed down into the bowl.

In a moment, I felt something relax in me and pee started coming out the end of the wand. The accompanying sensation took me completely by surprise. I met James’ knowing gaze as I grabbed the counter for support and groaned.

“That’s it,” he said, as I pissed into the toilet, my eyes closing with the unexpected pleasure of it.



Saturday, July 5, 2014

Excerpt - Beyond the Edge - Chapter Fifteen



“Okay, give it to him a bit harder. Let's see how he reacts.”

I nodded. “Yes Sir.” 

I gave Sebastian a few of the gentler swats just to ease him into it. Then I started laying them on a little heavier and faster. I saw him tense up between blows, but he seemed to deal with the pain okay. When he started grunting and squirming, I hesitated, looking over at James for instruction. I really didn't want to hurt him too much. To me, it seemed like we were getting close to his limit, and I wanted to stop.

“Keep going,” James said. “He's doing fine.” 

I hesitated. “But...” 

James stared at me. “I beg your pardon?”

“Sorry, Sir.” I started flogging Sebastian again, but I could only force myself to give him a few more. I found I couldn't continue. I just couldn't.

“I think he... I think maybe that's enough,” I said firmly, surprised by my own bravery, and wondering how James would react to my impertinence. But I had to speak up.

I looked at him and he stared back at me for a very long moment. I didn't dare say anything more. My heart quailed and I wondered if he would punish me and take over Sebastian's lesson.

“Is something going on here, Tate?” he said very quietly. “Is there something going on between you and Sebastian?”

So much for not telling. Jesus, he had good instincts.

“Yes, Sir.” I admitted, casting my eyes down.

He stood and moved toward me. A frisson of fear ran down my spine but I stood my ground. He grabbed my chin in his gloved hand and made me look him in the eyes.

“Why didn’t either of you tell me?” he said angrily.

I cleared my throat. “We didn’t think... you needed to know.”

He stared at me in disbelief for several long moments, then he dropped his hand from my chin and in a very cold voice said, “Unfasten him. I want you both to shower, get dressed, and meet me downstairs in an hour.”

Hold on. I didn’t want to stop playing. I just wanted to stop flogging him.

“But...” I started to say. “Do it!” he said in a voice that left me no choice but to obey.

§§ §

When we got upstairs we didn’t say anything to each other. I felt like I’d let both Sebastian and James down. What the hell had happened? I didn’t know how Sebastian felt about my little mutiny. Was he pleased that I’d stopped the play or disappointed because now it looked like our weekend might be over?

“Tate?” he said softly as I bent to start the shower. 

“Yeah,” I mumbled, not looking at him. 

“It’s okay.” 

I looked at him. “I fucked everything up.”

“By protecting me?”

“You would have been fine.”

“I was ready to stop. I was thinking about my hand signals.”

“Really?” I felt relief flood through me. My instincts had been correct.

He nodded. “Do you think he’s going to make us leave?” 

“I don’t know. Probably.” 

He stared at me. “Do you want to?” 

“I don’t know. Not really.”

“Me neither.”

§§ §

An hour later we descended the stairs to the kitchen/living room. James stood in the kitchen, holding a glass of water in one hand, and a bunch of papers in the other. He regarded us sternly.

“Have a seat on the couch.”

We did as we were told because his tone of voice and stance left no room for argument. The man definitely had a natural affinity for dominance.

He took a sip of water, placing his glass back on the counter. He filled up two more glasses and brought them to the coffee table.

“Have a drink please. We have a lot to talk about.”

We took our glasses and sipped. I don’t know about Sebastian, but I felt like I’d just gotten in trouble with the school principal—a situation both humiliating and arousing at once. James had replaced his old worn jeans with dark blue ones, and put on a black t-shirt. He looked at once dangerous, and incredibly fuckable.

“So,” James said. “What exactly is going on here?” He gestured between the two of us. “Have you been fucking each other on your own time?”

“Yes, Sir.” I looked at Sebastian.

“Yes, Sir.” Sebastian echoed.

“Just fucking?” he asked.

I looked at Sebastian again, wondering how much we should divulge.

“We're kind of dating,” Sebastian said quietly.

James didn't say anything for awhile. Several emotions crossed his face but I couldn't really decipher them. He shook his head slowly from side to side. “Well, isn't that adorable.” He didn't sound angry, just tired. And maybe disappointed?

He sat down in the chair across from the couch. “Why didn't you tell me?”

I looked at him. “We didn't think...it was necessary.”

He stared at both of us in disbelief. “You didn't think it was necessary?”

I shook my head. What is he getting at? 

“And after what just happened upstairs, do you still think it
was unnecessary?”

I thought for a moment, then blushed as understanding dawned on me. How could I have been so stupid?

“No, Sir,” I said, deeply ashamed all of a sudden. I wondered if I'd ever be able to live this down.

“Thank you. Do you even realize, Tate Mackenzie, how counterproductive it is for you to keep secrets from me in this kind of situation?”

“Yes, Sir.” Fuck fuck fuck.

“I don’t understand...” Sebastian spoke up suddenly. “It happened on our own time. So it’s not really any of your business, is it? Sir.”

I put my head in my hands.

“Of course you don’t understand, Sebastian, you’re very new to all this. But Tate should know better.” 

I heard him get up and go into the kitchen. When I heard him come back I took my head from my hands. He sat back down in the chair, taking a long drink from the glass of water he had gotten. We stared at each other silently for a long while.

“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “I should have told you.”

“Can I ask you something? Both of you?” he said. “And please, for the love of God, tell me the truth.”

We nodded.

“In light of what happened upstairs, and in light of the relationship you two are beginning to develop, are you even still interested in continuing with our weekend? I won't be offended if you say no.”

Sebastian and I looked at each other. Sebastian nodded and I turned back to James. “We'd like to continue.”

“Okay.” He nodded, tossing the paperwork onto the table. “Then we have some work to do. We're going to have to go through the paperwork that you both filled out and redefine limits, expectations, taking into account this new development. This changes the dynamic here quite a bit.” He stared at us both sternly. “I need to have all the information in order to be your Dom. This relationship here,” he gestured between the three of us, “is one based entirely on mutual respect and trust. When you withhold important information from me, I can't do my job properly. I'm not just ordering you around on a whim, even though it may seem that way sometimes. I'm attempting to give you a wonderful experience within your boundaries, perhaps testing the edges at times, but within the parameters that you've given me to work with. Something like this changes everything.”

We nodded in understanding.

“I’m really sorry. I should have known better,” I said.

“Well, it's a good lesson to learn, Tate,” James said. “And I'm really glad you both want to continue. Because I think we can sort this out quite easily this evening. And that still leaves us two days.” He smiled at us.

We grinned back at him, relieved.

*****