Monday, May 26, 2014

Happy Non-Monogamous Relationships Do Exist


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I think that even those who have not yet read The Cross and the Trinity are aware that the story ends with my three male characters attempting to conduct a polyamorous relationship. While completely fictional, this concept is based on the idea that a polyamorous relationship is within the realm of possibility for gay men, or for anyone.
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Last week I stumbled upon this article, about a group of three men who are actually in a polyamorous relationship at the moment - one that works well and in which love for each partner is the cohesive factor.
After reading through I had a look at the comments posted below and wasn't really surprised to see many negative opinions about the relationship.
Despite a perhaps unwise remark referring to the younger member of the threesome as a pseudo-son I don't think there is anything wrong with this arrangement. In fact, I get the whole father/son thing which is just another way of labelling the older/younger man dynamic. These men are not actually father and son, but the older adult male(s) no doubt fulfill(s) a leftover parental need that the younger adult male still has, and the younger adult male fulfills a nurturing need in the older male(s). There is nothing wrong with that, even when it includes a sexual component. This dynamic is found in many heterosexual couples where the man is significantly older than the woman, or vice versa.
In the article, Franco mentions that he met Vinny during a casual hookup which occurred after his marriage to Mark. Many people are confused by this, and don't realize that many gay male couples do not practice traditional monogamy even when they are, or consider themselves to be, married to their partner. Gay men are usually quite adept at separating sex from love. They realize that sexual needs differ from intimacy needs and that just because they want to fuck someone does not mean they want to live with that person or that they are in love with that person.
But what seems to have happened here, that a hook-up turned into something more for both original partners and evolved into a three-way relationship based on love, honesty and commitment, is a testament to the way that people (gay, bi or straight) can, if they like, make their own rules when it comes to creating a life together and managing loving relationships, unfettered by traditional mores.

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