So, I finally got to see this ... um, interesting (not) and revealing (not really) movie about male strippers and their not-so-perfect lives. I went with a female friend and some of her coworkers, all english teachers and no doubt starved for visions of adult man meat onscreen.
Unfortunately, none of us got it.
Oh, we got strippers. Good looking men who kept flashing their bare buns and waving their stubbornly concealed packages at the frantic, hormonally crazed women in the audience (both onscreen and off). Honestly, I saw more gorgeous cock and ass a few hours earlier while hubs and the kids were at soccer and I watched, er, I mean, researched, some gay porn online. Which is the problem I guess.
What men will produce for other men goes way beyond what anyone will produce for women. Gay men know that other gay men want to see nudity and sex, just like straight men. They don't want to see men dancing and gyrating coyly while tearing off breakaway pants and shirts to reveal everything but the main event, unless it's for comedic purposes. They want to see totally naked men with erect cocks and beautiful asses. And if women are honest, that is what we want to see as well. But if we stay within society's expectations of 'ladylike' behaviour, we won't get to. Oh, we will get the very occasional full male nude scene in a movie, usually of the aging, Harvey Keitel type, rather than the virile and pretty young hunk type. And movies like Magic Mike that pretend to offer up a real stud-fest for the adult woman but instead deliver a toned down version of a Chippendales routine, making fun of the audience while at the same time coyly playing with their expectations.
Since, unfortunately, this will never be put up onscreen for us delicately minded (hah!) ladies to look at, I recommend that women who want to see a less PG version of the male body (and especially, multiple male bodies) check out gay porn. There was only one, slightly blurry, shot of half of a bare dick in this movie, plus the silhouette (!) of another! A real travesty.
The movie was rated R, so all of the women in the audience were adults, most of them older and married. Come on, we've seen naked men before. Entirely naked men. Erect and flaccid cocks, bare asses, etc. Why, when naked women are everywhere, can't they show, IN A MOVIE ABOUT MALE STRIPPERS, a totally naked man??? Or a close up of his cock???
You can see I was disappointed.
The most disturbing thing was the reaction of the predominantly female audience around me.
I was taken off guard when, during the first shot of a bare-assed (and presumably nude, although we never got to see the bits) Channing Tatum, most of the women shrieked and laughed with barely concealed excitement. So I munched on my M&Ms and shrugged philosophically and waited for the real action.
It never arrived.
There were some scenes of stripping performances, but most of these I had seen in the trailer. In a later scene, I couldn't quite figure out what the audience was getting so excited about. I noted an increase in vocal excitement/amusement around me as Dallas (Mathew McConaughey's aging bar owner) demonstrated to Adam (Alex Pettyfer's naive newcomer) the kind of dance moves he should be developing. I initially thought the audience was reacting to the not-so-subtle movements that Dallas was demonstrating. I finally realized that the reason they were getting so excited was because Dallas and Adam were, seemingly innocently, miming a gay encounter during the demo.
Of course, because I actually watch (and write about) gay men having sex all the time, I missed its significance entirely. Once I realized it, I felt like standing up and hitting the pause button (if this were possible) and directing them all to my books or some of the porn on my computer. I mean, come on. If they got this excited about two straight men humping each other with their clothes on, they would probably lose their minds at the kinds of things I look at and think up every day.
It's kind of a sad commentary, like the crazy popularity of the Fifty Shades books, on how sexually repressed alot of women are in our society. Most of them have no idea about, or are too ashamed to seek out, less societally accepted forms of erotica or pornography. Sex, and the graphic depiction of sex, even the graphic depiction of men's bodies (penises included), remains taboo, although most women have seen and enjoyed men's naked bodies since they attained adulthood.
Why on earth can't we be more open about it?
Ladies, the archetypes of the kind of men we fantasize about are largely the same as those that gay men find so alluring: The cowboy, fireman, army recruit, leather boy/man, and wild beast/animal/caveman.
But in gay porn, you will find the presentation undiluted, raw and genuine, with hot bodies and real sex.
You will see gorgeous hunks take off everything and do unspeakably naughty things to each other.
You will see big cocks and hairy (or hairless) balls, muscular men and youthful twinks in all stages of undress.
You will finally see attractive men taking it all off, and even better, performing sexually in an arena that doesn't even take you into consideration.
Which is great.
Because women don't watch gay porn to imagine becoming involved with a gay man. We watch gay porn for the sole purpose of gaining a voyeuristic pleasure in seeing a hot naked man performing sexually with one (or more) other hot naked men.
Come on, try it. If you're not ready to watch it, then read it. You'll be amazed at the frankness and undiluted sexuality of it. Really, try it. You know you want to...
And you'll never find yourself giggling at a male stripper movie again ;)