Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Diversity and Why it Scares Us


A girl (me!), a 'boy' and his 'dog'.

At the Pride Parade on Sunday, I was quite startled to see this man and his 'dog' in plain view on the streets of Ottawa.  Ottawa is a pretty conservative city, at least on the surface.

Now, I pride myself on being openminded.  I've heard of people with fetishes such as this.  But the sight of this fully outfitted 'person-dog' and its 'owner' initially caused an uncomfortable reaction in me.  It was just so strange.  Why would anybody want to dress up like that?  Or be on a leash in public?

I am proud to say that I dabble in bondage/submission.  But something like this - I just didn't understand at first.  I think that we are initially frightened or made uncomfortable by things we just don't 'get'.  I knew better than to feed on my initial reaction by telling myself how 'ridiculous' they looked.  I also had to admit that my curiosity was piqued.  I watched them off and on during the parade.  The 'owner' acted like a 'regular' person, interacting with people, chatting, smiling.  His 'pet' acted like a very friendly but well behaved dog.  They were not threatening in the least, and I kind of got used to them.  Occasionally, someone from the parade would stroll over and pat the 'dog's' head or scratch its neck.  It responded exactly as a dog would respond.

By the end of the parade, I really felt quite intrigued by the pair.  They seemed so comfortable in their skin, as bizarre as it first appeared to me.  When I approached them to have my photo taken I was immediately entranced by the beautiful brown eyes of the person in the dog outfit.  They were friendly and warm and unashamed.

I thought about it later.  I always take an anthropological approach to figuring out these things.

As humans, we possess a unique and complex brain.  Our self awareness distinguishes us from many, perhaps, all other animals.  We are also able to carry with us that childlike sense of play and curiosity into adulthood.  This has allowed human beings to create and invent so many astounding things.  Why wouldn't this sense of fun and adventure and curiosity extend into our sexual lives?

I remember that I loved to pretend to be a dog or a cat or another animal as a child.  Why shouldn't we, as adults, if we want to, keep playing?  Of course, as adults, we are fully sexual beings, so if that play is incorporated into our sex lives, what is wrong with that?  Absolutely nothing.

There is also the lost connection that many of us feel between ourselves and the animal world.  Humans have such active brains, with thoughts, worries and emotions, that perhaps some people find it a relief to be able to turn all of that off, and just be an 'animal' for awhile, fully dependent and cared for by a thoughtful 'owner'.  And also able to enjoy sexual pleasure with no guilt, shame or thought process other than what feels good in a purely bestial sense.  I mean, I get it.  I really do.  Not sure I'd ever wear a costume or take it quite as far as this.  But I understand it.  And that, I think, is the key to acceptance.  Which is not to say that one shouldn't accept something until one understands it.  But it sure makes it easier!

To some people it may seem silly or ridiculous, especially when looking at the costumes and accoutrements.  But if it gives pleasure and helps some people find fulfillment, they should not be feared or dismissed as bizarre aberration, but celebrated as people who know what they want/need and who are not afraid to express themselves.

As I emptied my purse of candy, clown noses, brochures and condoms Sunday (handouts from parade participants), I thought, what an apt metaphor for the staples of humanity:  food, fun, knowledge and sex.  I hope that all of us has a life full of each, devoid of judgement, condemnation and ignorance.


Monday, August 29, 2011

Celebrating Diversity ...

... and Pride in Canada's Capital yesterday.

Here are some photos from the parade:











The sign says "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind." - Dr. Seuss


Friday, August 26, 2011

EXPOSURE Reviewed at MM Good Book Reviews ...

4.5 hearts!

"... exquisitely written sex scenes" and "There are portions of this book that qualify as literary orgasms"

Review


Monday, August 22, 2011

The Allure of M/M Romance ...


… from a female writer’s perspective.

What, exactly, is so wonderful about writing a story featuring two hot men relating on an emotional and physical level?  I’ve asked myself this question many times because I certainly do enjoy it.  I think there are several reasons why this is the case:

1)    Anonymity - Writing as a male character in the first person POV gives me a certain freedom.  If I’m writing from a female character’s perspective, I feel I have to be careful that that character isn’t just a fictional representation of me.  Sometimes, I feel I’m revealing too much of who I really am, in that situation.  When I write from a male POV, I don’t feel self-conscious.  I’m not a man, so it very obviously is not me.  Of course, there are elements of me in every character I write.  Writing as a male character just gives me the distance to feel comfortable revealing things about myself to the reader through an obviously fictional character.


2)    Freedom - For whatever reason, there seems to be a certain freedom in pretending to be (i.e., writing as) a man who is open to relations with other men.  As long as condoms are used, there is little risk of disease and, the big thing, from a female perspective, is that pregnancy is a non-issue.  This is, in a word, huge – For me, anyway.  As a sexually active woman in my twenties who couldn’t go on the pill (the hormones made me depressed and inhibited my libido), the risk of pregnancy, even with consistent condom use, was an ever-present black cloud hanging over every sexual encounter.  How is one supposed to have fun and relax when one slip-up could cause a life-changing event?  It is only now, as a forty-two year-old married woman with two kids, that I am free to have sex with one man (my three year post-vasectomy husband) with absolutely no worries about an unwanted pregnancy.  Perhaps that’s why I so readily relate to that sense of sexual freedom when I write m/m romance.  

3)    The Slut Issue - This is a good one.  Apparently, it is socially acceptable for straight and/or gay men to be promiscuous, but not for women.  I realize this no doubt arises from an evolutionary need to select appropriate and exclusive genes from a vast gene pool and ensure protection for our offspring.  But it still bites the big one.  Oh, to be a young gay man, comfortable with his sexuality, open to any possibility.  It’s almost a sexual utopia, at least in fiction.  Sex can be fun and meaningless or powerful and significant.

4)    Penises - Yes, that’s right.  Cocks, dicks, shafts, whatever you call them.  Not just one, but two or more?  I mean, come on!  Getting hard, pulsing, leaking, ejaculating … but I digress.  Yes, I admit to some definite penis envy.  I happen to love penises.  I even think it would be fun to have one.  Maybe not all the time – that would probably be annoying.  But, for sex?  Hell yeah.  Alas, barring a sex-change operation, which would upset my husband, shock my family, and probably not have a flawless outcome, I will never have one.  However, it is fun to imagine what I would do if I did have one.  I would definitely fuck other men.  On second thought, it’s probably a good thing I am a woman.  It would be out of control :)


Now, I don’t exclusively write m/m stories.  In fact, I have a multiple partner, multiple configuration fic that is ready for publication.  It contains m/f, m/m and f/f sex. 

But, right now, since the market for it is so hot and seems to be expanding, I am really enjoying exploring this genre.  And one thing’s for damn sure.  Since I’ve started watching gay porn (for research purposes, of course) my blowjob technique has improved dramatically ;)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Sexy Poems

Here are a few of the sexier poems from my youth:


Man

A man
That is what he is
when he is inside me
deep reaching and hot hard
sticky sweet and breathing me
with kisses.

Down there
he pushes through all
the walls to the quivering
quick of me laying me bare and
searching out my
secrets.

Even before
standing silent wanting
risen and rough ready for it
he is a man like
nothing else.

My body
knows him and opens
of its own will taking him
softly inside and out slowly up and
down and around
me.


Summer

I’m going to do something
sooner or later
to appease this need this
ever-present hunger that rises in me like
a banshee on hot humid nights and
leaves me whirling with
wet wishes and burning blood.

Nothing in these moments but
sensation animal nature the
myth of coherent thought in a
corner of my brain body
rules now needing something everything
I know where to find it and
I will.


Gravity

Gravity is
nothing compated to your
force over me lust is
a stronger law you’ve slid into my
brain and
now you sit there
driving me mad you’ve taken up residence
and are redecorating
pictures of you everywhere and
beds
big couches
fur rugs and fireplaces
fires
I can’t put them out can’t dampen them for
shit
they’re burning me bonkers
for you singeing my
solitude and you just sit
there

laughing.


Saturday, August 20, 2011

Poetry

I recently found some poems that I wrote ages ago.  These two are not erotic but I do have some sexy ones I'll post tomorrow.



The Climb

Climbing over the dusty
raw earth higher
higher now
he pants his beggar breaths
one after the other as,
scrabbling at the brown earth
he pulls himself onward.

“He’ll never do it,” the children mutter
holding hands to foreheads to
block the beating sun.

Breaths heaving now, heaving
his frail boy’s body, faster
now, faster, climb to the very
top, show them
It can be done and will
be done!

He gains the summit and stretches
his body up, shaking and
trembling, and gazes down at
them, grinning.

How small they all seem
suddenly.

And how tired he is.



The Fall

I’ve hurt you
I know I have with my big
words and cold accusations but you must
understand
I gave you everything I took the
biggest risk within my power I jumped and at
the last minute you took a sudden
step back and I crashed in a million
pieces.

You tried to
patch me up with feeble
suggestions and blind offerings but
the damage was done and I have the scars
to prove it.

So if I hurt you please
forgive me I’m stronger than
anyone knew and climbing back up out
of it all I pulled you down and left
you in the dust …

Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday Teaser ...

This is a little teaser from my Christmas short story, HOLIDAY MATINÉE, coming from MLR Press this December.  It features the characters from my upcoming novella, THE CRUSH:



“Cheers.” Michael smiled, raising his glass.  “To The Nutcracker and to celebrating our first Christmas together in a couple of weeks.”

“To muscular men in tights.”  I winked.

He shook his head.  “You’re such a romantic, Jack.”

I grinned.  “I am, aren’t I?  Here’s romance for you.”  I lowered my voice, even though we weren’t that close to the other tables.  “Roses are red, violets are blue, I want you to spank me, and fuck my ass too.”

He almost spit out his wine.  His laughter echoed off the walls of the small space, causing heads to turn.  I grinned wider, pleased that I still had the ability to surprise him.

He wiped his chin with his napkin, giving me a stern look.  But he couldn’t keep his lips from twitching. 
“Let’s get this meal over with, shall we?”  The fire in his eyes echoed the burning in my gut.

We ordered and ate quickly, trying not to rush too much. 

“So, what do you want for Christmas, Michael?” I asked, even though I already had an idea what to give him.

He shrugged.  “You don’t have to get me anything.”

“I know I don’t have to get you anything.  I want to get you something.”

“Well, there’s something …”

I stared at him, waiting for him to finish.

“Never mind.  Forget it.”

“Oh, come on.  What?  Some new handcuffs?  A nice toy from Venus Envy?  What?”

“Whatever you pick out for me will be perfect.”

I was going to protest but the waitress brought our bill.  Soon Michael was pulling me along Elgin Street toward his building.

*** 

Fifteen minutes later, I lay naked on Michael’s huge bed, my wrists shackled to the headboard, my ass in the air, my cock hard as granite.  I even had a blindfold on.  I’d asked him to gag me but he refused.  He wanted me to talk to him.

“Jack, you look delicious.”

“Awesome.  You gonna eat me?” I waggled my ass at him.

He chuckled.  “No.”

“No?”  The question came out a bit whiny.  I wanted his mouth on me and I wanted it now.  But I was in no position to make any demands.

He didn’t say anything.  I felt the mattress shift to my side.  I could sense his nearness.  The familiar scent of him made me dizzy.   I felt his warm breath on my skin.  Goosebumps.  My cock throbbed.

“Michael …”

His lips pressed gently to my forehead, then to my ear. 

“I want to give you an early Christmas gift.”

***

Hmm.  What do you think Michael got him???





Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Modern Visionary

My friend Terry is currently in Berlin, Germany.  He met with a publisher about putting out a book of his images.  He realized, though, as soon as he walked into the publishing house, that he and his images didn't really belong there.

He has really become something unique and extraordinary.  I have offered to work with him in producing a book of his images with content from his blog: The Naked Man Project.  Because the images themselves, though stunningly beautiful and evocative, mean so much more when accompanied by Terry's own meditations and emotions.  I think that a book like this would be a wonderful tribute to the success of the project and I am so pleased to be a part of it.  I am sure we will be able to find a Canadian or American publisher willing to produce it.

Terry, here's to you and your journey and the self discovery that is its gift.  The thought of you roaming the streets of Berlin in your western gear makes me smile and laugh.  That is kick ass!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Excerpt from EXPOSURE


He laughed. “I had no idea this would happen.”

I looked at him, not sure what he meant.

“But as soon as you opened the door yesterday, I wanted it to.”

I couldn’t believe it. “Really?”

He nodded and tucked himself back into his jeans, buttoning them up. I stood up.

“Are you kidding?” he said and stood up too. “You think it wasn’t fuck-hot having you take pictures of me and knowing you were thinking of how I would look naked?”

I blushed. “Was it that obvious?”

He moved closer to me. “Well, I’m good at reading people. And, yeah, it was kind of obvious…” He reached out and stroked my hard-on through my jeans. I gasped.

“Holy shit, you are so hard…” He pressed more firmly against my crotch.  The fingers of his other hand twined in my hair, guiding my mouth to his. We kissed desperately, hungrily and he pushed himself against me; he was already getting hard again. He broke away from my mouth and licked along my ear, sending shivers through me. “What do you want, Martin?” he whispered. “Do you want me to blow you?” I whimpered. “Yeah? Is that what you want?”

I nodded. I gripped his shoulders, kissing and sucking on his neck. “If you want to.” Please, please, please.

He laughed and pulled away, making me look him in the eyes. His were brown and warm, kind and honest. “I would be fucking honored, Martin.”

A huge breath of air whooshed from my lungs and for the first time I really believed that he wanted me, maybe as much as I wanted him.

He pushed me backwards until I hit the wall. Then he kissed me and pressed himself against me before dropping down and practically ripping open my jeans. He kissed my straining erection through the fabric of my black boxer briefs. Then he tugged them and my jeans down to my knees. My cock bobbed free. I hissed as the cold air hit the moisture at its tip.

“Oh, yes,” he moaned. “Look at it…fuck, that’s glorious.” He touched me gently, reverently. “Almost nicer than mine.” He winked at me and wrapped his hand around my cock.

I shook my head modestly. “Not even close.”

“Well,” he said, eyeing my erection closely and rubbing up and down. “I’d love to argue with you but…” he licked the pre-cum off the tip, making me groan. “It’s gonna be hard to talk with your gigantic cock in my mouth.”

“Fuck,” I moaned. He was driving me mad. “You really have a way with words, Jeremy.”

He grinned. “Well, it’s nice to know my lit degree was good for something.”

I started to laugh but stopped with a gasp as he took me in his mouth and sucked hard. I almost fucking came right then and had to pound the wall with a fist to focus my control.

But he knew what he was doing. He gripped my hips firmly. He wanted me to lose control. He did everything he could to make me come with his hand and his tongue and his mouth. He fucking ate me alive. I’d never had anyone suck me so hard before. In minutes I was shooting down his throat and yelling so loudly I hoped my fucking neighbors weren’t home. I pulsed and quaked through the quickest and most incredible orgasm of my life to date.

My knees gave out as my pleasure waned. Jeremy released me and I fell to my knees before him. He reached out and pulled me to him, kissing me tenderly. The feeling of being wanted and almost cherished left me dizzy.

But it was crazy, wasn’t it? I’d met him yesterday.

As if he were thinking the same thing he pulled away and sat down on the floor, staring at me incredulously. “Wow. That was intense.”

I nodded, desperately wanting him in my arms again but also wanting to understand what was happening here. I struggled weakly to my feet and pulled up my boxers and pants. I suddenly felt shy, like I had let myself reveal more to him than I should have. I mean, for all I knew, he might have just wanted to get his rocks off.

He was sitting in the middle of the floor, his knees bent, leaning back on his hands and watching me. I went over to the camera, took it off the tripod and connected it to the computer. “How many shots do you want for your portfolio?” I asked, all business. He didn’t answer and I didn’t look at him. “You’ll need at least six.”

“Martin, screw the portfolio.”

I looked at him, surprised.

He shook his head. “I mean, I want the portfolio and the photos you took of me are incredible, and I realize I still need to pay you, but…could we talk about what just happened?”

Okay, take a deep breath. It’s better to find out now if it was a one time thing. I braced myself. “Okay?”

He got up and walked over to me. “Do you want to see me again?”

I gulped. “Yes.”

He grinned. “You like me then?”

I nodded. I couldn’t look away from him. “Yes.”

“For more than all that?” He gestured at the chaise and the wall.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“And for more of that, too?”

“God, yes.” I whispered. Fuck, I was his and he knew it.

He nodded. “All right then.” He looked down at the desk and back up. “What are you doing this weekend?”

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Men in my Life

I love men.  All sorts of men.  I don't always understand them.  But I like them.  Alot.

I grew up with two brothers and one sister.  My older sister, whether she was threatened by my arrival, or we simply had clashing personalities from the beginning, teased and tormented me most of the time.  We've never been close.  My two brothers, however - one 6 years older and one just a couple of years younger - were my solace.  My younger brother, Neil, and I played cars and Barbies together.  My older brother taught me so much and often sought me out when he needed a sympathetic ear.  They are busy with their own lives now - Neil in Toronto and Ian here in Ottawa.  But I know they are there if I need them and we do get together for family functions a few times a year.  They are both so supportive of my writing and so proud that I've become a published author.  They are wonderful uncles to my kids.

My dear husband, Greg, was actually Neil's best friend from the age of four.  Over the years I observed how loyal and trustworthy he was in that relationship, which influenced my feelings for him much later.  He is such a wonderful father and husband - I don't know what I would do without him.  And the best part is, he is still able to make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.  He is a passionate and thoughtful lover, and also willing to change things up a bit when I'm feeling adventurous :)  He has no hang-ups and I've been able to get over some of mine with his help.  When I was diagnosed with MS a few years ago, he was so strong and positive about my future and continues to be my rock whenever I feel down about the situation.  I love him to death.

Then there's my dad.  At seventy-five, he is more energetic than many thirty year-olds.  He works out at the gym regularly, walks everywhere, volunteers at a place that refurbishes used wheelchairs and other mobility devices, travels to England (his birthplace) at least once a year.  He still gets excited about learning new things and is constantly taking up new hobbies.  He is a fantastic 'Grampy' to my two kids, sharing his fascination with science and nature.

I am also very lucky to have, not one, not two, but five gay male friends.  There are Morgan and Richard, whom I spoke of in my first post; Brian and his partner, Yves, and my friend Terry.  I met Morgan and Brian at Algonquin College when I was twenty-six and enrolled in the Dramatic Scriptwriting Program.  Brian soon started showing up at outings with his handsome 'friend', Yves.  They have been together ever since.  Many years later (after marriage to a wonderful woman and the arrival of two gorgeous children) my friend Morgan came out and moved in with Richard.  Richard also has two children from a previous marriage and he and Morgan are devoted fathers.  Richard and I have similar personalities and share a somewhat lewd sense of humour ;). This past winter, I 'met' Terry Cyr, a gay man who creates wonderful photographic art in Missoula Montana, through Facebook.  Terry has been so open and enthusiastic about my writing.  His artwork continues to astonish me.  My kids, husband and I have a standing invitation to visit him and his partner, Glen, in Missoula.

These five gay men are some of the kindest, most sympathetic people I have the privilege to know.  They are straightforward and honest.  They are warm and loving.  They are energetic and funny.  The best part is that I can be close with them, have intimate conversations, even flirt a little, with no worry that I'm compromising my marriage.  Yes, I find all of these men sexy and fun to talk with.  But the flirting and innuendos will always be just that.  It's difficult, as a happily married woman, to be friends with straight men.  It they are single and attractive, I worry that I'm sending the wrong signals by flirting occasionally.  If they are the husbands of my girlfriends, I have to be careful not to overstep that invisible line where innocent flirting becomes something else.

So here's to my brothers, my husband, my dad, and my wonderful gay friends.  May you continue to share your masculine perspectives and sweet natures with me and my children for a very, very long time.




Sunday, August 14, 2011

Street Kiss!

Last evening, I came home from a lovely dinner out with my husband and his family to an email with this photo attached:


I squealed so loud I almost woke the kids.  You don't understand how long I've waited to see these boys kiss.  I got permission this morning to post it here.

Thanks so much, guys!  You made my day :)




Exposure reviewed by Jessewave!

I just discovered that Exposure received a 4.25 star review at Jessewave, a very popular m/m romance review site, at the beginning of August.  I'm so pleased and the comments that follow the review are so nice to read as well.

Here is the link:

Jessewave's Review of Exposure


Saturday, August 13, 2011

Pride

My very good friends, Morgan and Richard, are in Montreal this weekend to be a part of the Gay Pride celebrations.  Morgan emailed me from the train yesterday to tell me they were reading some of my stories to kickstart their fun weekend.

The romantic and intense relationship between these men is part of what prompted me to write and publish m/m erotic romances.  Morgan and Richard have shown such bravery and commitment to each other and such acceptance of, and pride for, their sexual orientation, that it inspired me to help demonstrate to people that gay relationships should be respected and celebrated.

I wasn't sure how people would react when I told them that I write m/m erotic romance.  It took some courage to forgo a pen name and use my actual middle and last name on my books.  But, because these men have been so courageous on their journey, I felt I couldn't hide behind a pseudonym.  I'm so very proud of them and I'm proud to write about relationships between gay men and all the sexual and emotional intensity that involves.

Have a wonderful weekend, boys.  Hold that flag high and share a heartfelt kiss in the middle of the street.  I hope you realize how lucky I feel to have you both in my life.

Welcome!

This is the blog I've created to showcase my writing, my thoughts on various subjects, and news about upcoming projects.   First official post coming soon!